Yet another example of the extreme Leftist good intentions run amok! Free the Gnomes indeed!
One cause after the next has been taken up by this group of radicals but now they are truly off their collective rockers. They claim the gnomes are being held captive in our gardens and demand their immediate return to their "native woodlands".
There are several problems with their logic on this one.
First: They (the Gnomes) do not wish to return to the woodlands. They have traveled the world seeking to establish new colonies and have settlements in gardens worldwide. Threatened with being returned to the land of his forefathers I heard one young gnome cry out in anger "this is my home!"
Second: The woodlands where these creatures of earth originated have all but vanished. Logging and urban sprawl have taken over much of their homelands.
Third: If they were sent back to the woodlands it would create such overcrowding that they would no doubt die from diseases or starvation.
Fourth: Having lived in gardens for several generations, the average gnome could not fend for himself in the woods and would be easy prey for ferocious killer chipmonks or rabid bunnies...or worse!
Please folks, do not be drawn into this foolish attempt to right a wrong that never was! Help the Gnomes defend their right to live in any garden anywhere, free from fear of being deported to a strange woodland. Free to raise their young without fear of being "saved" by the extremists and their misguided attempt to do that which is too frightening for the average Gnome to discuss!
SAVE THE GNOME! To support this counter movement I ask that you join me in combating these gnome enemies by sending a check to ME. I guarantee that not a single penny of your generous contribution will be spent on anything that would in anyway make my garden less Gnome friendly.
For more information on what you can do please leave a comment with your credit card information, your drivers license number, your social security number, your bank name, branch location, the pin number for your ATM card and your mother's maiden name. I promise that after I max out your credit card and empty any and all bank accounts I will sell your identity to the highest bidder. This statement is true ... trust me...